Chapter Two

Chapter Two

*I*

Ryan woke up shaking, half expecting to see Chris. “That couldn’t have been a dream, no, it was too real,” Ryan thought. He remembered seeing the sweat on his own face. From what Chris had said, he was witnessing himself living in the past. He was witnessing what happened before the accident. He concluded that he was “watching a movie of the past, and Chris was selling the tickets.”
Although Ryan did not know this, what he thought was exactly right. I will tell you that no one dreams so vividly that they can see the sweat one someone’s face, and remember it in the morning. That’s the equivalent of you going to an amusement park and seeing a man in an orange shirt, and remembering it 5 years later.
Ryan glanced at the clock. It read 6:30. According to the clock the dream had taken hours, but according to his teacher the average dream only lasted 2-10 seconds. By the time it was 7:00, Ryan had convinced himself that he must have had other dreams, but just forgotten them. He had other theories too, but the rest were more disturbing.
Maggie was the only thing Ryan could think about that day at school. He couldn’t figure out if it was her looks he was so focused on, or her words. They both seemed worth paying attention to. She tried to tell him, but he didn’t listen, and was mean about Lindsey’s picture. Ryan wasn’t sure why he dreamt about that particular moment, but it was really bugging him. He remembered that on that day all he could think about was how good Maggie looked, and how he was too ignorant to notice anybody else’s existence. If he had just taken the time to look for 2 seconds maybe he could have prevented the picture from being mutilated, and maybe, just maybe, he could change the past, but that was just a small idea tucked into the back of his thoughts.
Ryan tried hard to remember what Lindsey’s picture looked like. He knew the one she drew was a giant pink heart, with the outlines of other hearts around it. It was the family picture he was having trouble with. He didn’t know why this was suddenly so important to him, but he figured he owed her some respect. All Ryan could come up with was that her family was standing in front of a white backdrop, and that the entire family was wearing very fancy clothing. Lindsey was wearing a red dress with a white rose pinned onto it. She looked beautiful. Ryan wondered why he didn’t think this 46 days ago.
The thing that was puzzling Ryan the most was why Lindsey had just laid her prized possession out in the wide open. It was like she was asking for it to be destroyed. The more and more he thought about it, the more and more convinced he became that the incident was just meant to be.
Ryan’s daydream was abruptly interrupted by the screaming of the bell. He grabbed his stuff and headed for the door, but Mr. Blatino stopped him. Mr. Blatino, Ryan’s science teacher, let the entire class filter out before he began to talk.
Mr. Blatino was not a large man, and was not very intimidating. Ryan could probably of just pushed his way out of class, and left whatever what was about to be said in the past, but he figured he probably also get in more trouble than it was worth.
“I don’t have a class this period, so I thought we could talk,” he said.
“I don’t want to talk about the accident, and I refuse to do so,” Ryan replied.
“What accident?”
“Don’t play stupid with me, I know that you know!”
“Well maybe I do know, but let’s forget about it…”
“Forget about it?!” Ryan interrupted. “Forget about it? You witness 30 deaths and then tell me to forget about it!”
“You know what I mean, come on, don’t be silly.”
“Me, being silly, I don’t think I do know what you mean! Goodbye Mr. Blatino!” With that Ryan turned around and stomped out of the class, slamming the door on the way.
When Ryan arrived home his mother informed him that Mr. Blatino had called. Ryan thought he knew what was coming next, but to his surprise he was wrong.
“He just wanted to let us know that you were doing great, and wanted to thank you for being such a good student.”



*II*

When Ryan finished his homework he headed outside to his favorite climbing tree. He loved this tree over all of the other trees because you could see all around you, and there always seemed to be the perfect breeze, passing through the leaves. Even on the hottest day in the summer, he swore he still felt it. He climbed into the tree and thought about the number 30. Forty-six days ago the number 30 would have meant nothing to him, but forty-six days ago 30 less people were dead. He would never forget the number 30. Even after the accident he counted the bodies, knowing that there had been 30 people on the bus. As much as the number 30 bugged him, the fact that the number wasn’t 31 bugged him even more.
Right after the accident Ryan considered suicide, but he figured that would do nothing but shatter his family’s life, and make things more difficult. He figured his death would cause more problems than it would solve.
After he had thought about the number thirty, Maggie, Zach, and Jen enough he went back inside and hopped into the shower. For once the shower didn’t feel so cold. Even though the dream disturbed him, it helped him get over the accident. Although the shower felt warmer, it smelled different. It smelled like Maggie’s favorite perfume. He would always remember that smell. Ryan didn’t know this, but later on that week he would be reminded of it even more.
When Ryan crawled into his bed he routinely said his prayer, but instead of asking to wake up, he thanked God for letting him have a better day. Surprisingly he didn’t even think about the fact that at midnight it would be night 47. Ryan didn’t ever pray before the accident, and Maggie had always tried to talk him into it. After her death Ryan felt like he needed start praying, but soon he no longer did it for her, but for himself. He felt that God was always there for him and that he would always listen, no matter what a terrible thing he had to say. Ryan learned something about himself after the crash. He learned that he liked people who listened to him.
Ryan put his I-pod onto the song Chasing Cars. He loved that song. It was sad, but he could relate to it so well. The song ended and the next one put him to sleep.
Ryan saw the picture of Lindsey’s family, and then Chris. He realized he was at the bus. This time he made sure he took a good look at the picture. He never knew Lindsey had a brother, and a sister. He always thought she was an only child.
“This is now part two,” Chris said.
“You mean I’m going to be dreaming the same thing over and over again?” Ryan asked.
“No, well yes, well I guess you have the right to know. We’re giving you a second chance. Make sure you notice all of the things you have done that ruined the other person’s day.”
“But I thought you said I couldn’t change or prevent the past.”
“I never said anything about changing it; you just can’t prevent what happens.”
“Wait, I am so confused!”
“Just watch."
Ryan watched as his past self walked over to the entrance of the bus. Ben, the youth director said hi to him, but Ryan completely ignored him. Ryan then noticed a girl carrying a huge pile of papers trying to get onto the bus. He assumed that it was all of the permission slips, health forms, etc. He watched as his past self pushed past her, which caused the pile to come toppling over onto the girl.
“Watch it klutz,” the past Ryan said.
“What did I just say?” said Maggie.
“Why did I do that?!” Ryan said to Chris.
“That’s for you to answer,” said Chris.
Once again Ryan woke up shaking.