Chapter Four

Chapter Four
*I*

The fact that Ryan was at Peter’s house kept him from having a nervous breakdown. The information that he had learned from his dream chilled him. If the worst still hadn’t happened, that HAD to mean that he would be shown the accident. He had been so go about trying to let go of the whole terrible thing, but now that was all he could think about.
He was eating a chocolate chip muffin as he was thinking about the previous night. Peter was telling about his dreams, and Ryan almost laughed when he said his dream showed his dog dying, and it was the worst dream he had ever had.
“If Peter was having the same dreams I am having, he would be crying to his mom,” Ryan thought.
Ryan had considered telling Peter about the dreams, but he knew that he would immediately be considered crazy, and he would be rushed to therapists, and sent to an asylum. Basically his life would be ruined and no one would believe why he was so upset. The idea was not pleasant in the slightest.
Peter had been planning to take Ryan to his new house, which was currently being built. They had a huge lot, which was full of trees, and there was a creek running through the woods. Their house was also enormous, 4 stories. Ryan was looking forward to seeing the house, and getting some fresh air. He had always loved the woods, and not to mention the water.
“Are you guys done eating, and ready to go to the lot?” Peter’s mother asked. The boys responded in unison with a yes. Ryan made sure to get all his stuff, and he remembered that he had forgotten his toothbrush upstairs in the bathroom.
“I’ll be out in a minute, I’m just getting my toothbrush,” he told the other 2. Without hesitation they walked out into the garage to the car, and Ryan went upstairs. When he got to the bathroom he found his toothbrush without an issue. Involuntarily he turned to the mirror, and took a minute to look at himself. The freckles on his nose were becoming more noticeable now that the sun was coming out. In another month, or June, they would be a lot more noticeable. His arms looked less muscular. He hadn’t been exercising very much after the crash. He quit his basketball team, and spent his spare time in his room. Suddenly Ryan realized the time. He had been upstairs for almost 5 minutes.
When Ryan reached the car Peter and his mom were in a discussion about colleges, and they didn’t mind that Ryan had taken so long. They hardly noticed when he got into the car. Peter was talking about going to college out west. Money wasn’t an issue for Peter’s family, but his mom was not too thrilled with the idea.
“Don’t you want to go to school here in North Carolina, your home state? You’ve lived here all of your life, why leave?”
“Well, I want a change, I’m tired of the same town, the same faces, the same everything. I hate feeling like I’m confined here!” Peter replied. Suddenly the 2 realized Ryan was in the car and they were off.
Peter turned on the radio and the song Chasing Cars came on. He couldn’t seem to get rid of the song. He felt like it was following him around. The thought of Peter leaving didn’t make him feel better. All of a sudden Ryan had the urge to scream, it just came over him.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here;
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world?

“NO, no, no, I won’t, I want change!” Ryan screamed.
At this point Ryan felt like a complete moron, he just screamed at the radio.
“What won’t you do?” Peter and his mom asked almost simultaneously.
“Um, I don’t know, I’m really sorry; I don’t know what came over me.”
Ryan was relieved when the pulled into the driveway. He was ready to get out into the open air. He was ready to have fun.
The two boys hopped out of the car and Peter headed for the forest. Ryan followed behind, trying to keep up, and trying not to trip. Peter had long hair, and it was flying in the wind, and looked quite funny. Ryan couldn’t help from laughing. This was the first time he had laughed in a very long time.
Peter led Ryan into a deep part of the forest. Ryan had seen a sign marking the end of Peter’s property, and was beginning to worry.
“Are you sure we are supposed to be out here?” Ryan asked.
“Of course we are, just stay quiet, I’ve heard that the man that owns this lot has a shotgun.”
“Way to make me feel better.”
Ryan felt a breeze on his face, and it felt incredible. The sensation made him feel like he could fly. Trying to take in this feeling he shut his eyes, and relaxed. He was still walking and he breeze was still blowing.
If Ryan had been paying attention he would have noticed the stump and stopped, but instead he came crashing to the ground. Instinctively he stuck his hands out to break the fall. Ryan looked at his hands. They were cut up and bleeding.
“You all right?” Peter asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Suddenly Ryan wasn’t so fine. As he was standing up he got a chill down his spine, and his blood turned cold. He felt that he wasn’t supposed to be where he was and whatever didn’t want him there was giving him a warning. The wind began to pick up and the trees seemed to cast a shadow that put the boys into complete darkness.
Suddenly Peter ran off yelling, “Don’t let the monster get you!” Peter said this in a friendly way, a joking way, but Ryan was not laughing. He was terrified. It wasn’t the ‘monster’, but the feeling that had just entered him. The feeling could be described as simply evil. Ryan started screaming after Peter. Peter, still taking at a joke laughed and kept running. Ryan broke into tears, and ran faster.
He was running at full speed when his foot slid on some mud. Once again Ryan came crashing down, but this time on his face. About a yard ahead of him he saw the creek. He crawled over to it and looked at his reflection. His face was muddy, with tear streaks on his cheeks. He hit the water and the image changed. He was now wearing a fancy shirt, and was clean. He was smiling, and he was next to Maggie. His heart dropped and the tears came harder. Ryan finally was breaking down, and this time for good.
The tears came to a stop, and Ryan tried to feel happy, but he only felt all of the sad, depressing things. Ryan let his hands go from underneath him. He rolled into the creek, which was surprisingly deep. He opened his eyes and swore he saw Maggie’s face staring back at him, except it was crying. The water was murky, and little sunlight passed through it. He shut his eyes, and thought about the accident, and Maggie, and Jen, and Zach, and Lauren, and Jerry, and Peter, and Lindsey. The thoughts were stronger than ever, and Ryan wanted them out, so without hesitation Ryan took a deep breath, but instead of air, it was water.

*II*

Ryan was watching as his past self was talking to Maggie. He watched as she handed him a note. Ryan watched as he yanked it out of her hand and stuffed it into his back pocket. At this point Ryan realized he had forgotten the note.
“Hey, what’s that yellow thing in your pocket?” Lindsey asked. (The note was on yellow paper)
“It is absolutely none of your business!” Ryan replied.
Once again Ryan had been a jerk. He could have just told her it was a note, plain and simple. Most likely she would have just left it at that, and no meanness would have been involved. But as usual Ryan couldn’t just let anything go.
The past Chris and the present Chris’s attention was now turned toward Maggie. They were both looking at how beautiful she was. At the moment her hair was hanging loose, and some of it fell over her eyes. Her blue eyes were full of life, and looked happy. Off and on she would laugh, and both of the Ryans felt a small surge of excitement when she did.
Ryan, both past and present would have kept on looking all day, if it hadn’t been for the five year old trying to get past. He was heading to the bathroom. Ryan knew how gross it was inside it, but he wanted to make the whole experience even worse, so he tripped the little boy as he walked by. He didn’t even know who he was, probably a chaperone’s kid, but either way he didn’t care.
The present Ryan was shocked. He was having trouble understanding why he was such a jerk to his own age group, but to little kids, what was wrong with him? You don’t push people around you don’t know, and especially when they are still little. He watched as the boy stood up glaring at Ryan. The past Ryan just laughed. The present Ryan watched as the boy’s eyes were filling with tears. He could tell that he was holding them back. At the moment Ryan was doing the same.
The present Chris walked over and began to speak.
“Well you have seen all the terrible things you have done. I hope you feel terrible too. Lucky for you, you have a chance to change it, not prevent it, and keep that in mind. I have shown you what I can, so now it’s your turn. I hope you get ready. Oh, and by the way, the next time you try to drown yourself, make sure you don’t have a good friend like Peter around!”
He woke up gasping for air. The sent of the room was strange, and the temperature was unusually cold. He couldn’t figure out what the smell was, and then he recognized it. It was the smell of latex gloves. He opened his eyes to find himself in a hospital room.
“Thank God, he’s alive,” he heard his mother say. He turned his head. She was sitting beside him, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She had her fingernails in her mouth, but they left her mouth to hold Ryan’s hand. They were wet and clammy. She had been worried sick.
“What happened?” Ryan asked.
“That’s a good question, how about you have Peter explain!” Her voice was soft, but it had an uneasy chill to it, like she knew something that he did not. Ryan’s glance turned to the other side of the room, and he saw Peter. He could tell that he had been crying.
“Hello Ryan, how are you doing?” asked Peter.
“Um, fine, how ‘bout yourself?” he replied.
“I’m doing fine. Ok, let’s cut with the mushy crap, and get on with the story. I’m a nervous wreck!”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Well, hmm, how should I begin? Well I ran off and I was just playing around. You know I was, and I knew you knew there was no ‘monster’, and in the beginning I thought I had just scared you. But when you screamed at me, and I heard you crying, I could tell something was wrong. It was in your voice, I could feel it. At this point I began to run back because I thought something terrible had happened, and I was right, but it just hadn’t happened yet. I was running when I heard you stop crying, and then a splash.”
Peter paused, shuttering, as if he was reliving the moment. He stayed quiet for several moments, and Ryan knew what was coming next, but he simply said; “Go on, I insist.”
“OK, sorry, I just, just, well you know. Well I heard the splash, and I began to quicken my pace, and I started to scream as well, but for my mom. I needed help before I even got to the scene. I know what had happened. By the time I reached the pond you were floating on the top of the water, face down. I panicked and ran into get you. My mom bumped into me as I was carrying you back. She took you from me, because I was mortified. I have stayed home for 3 days. I finally built up the courage to come see you. I thought I had killed you.”
“Three days, three days, what do you mean three days?” Ryan yelped. “You said I fell into the creek, why was I out for three days?”
This time his mom spoke.
“It took so long for you to begin to breathe again. We thought you were dead. Ryan I know you didn’t fall into the creek.”
“What do you mean?”
“You let yourself fall, I know this because you are a perfectly fine swimmer, and Peter’s mom said you were acting funny in the car.”
Suddenly a nurse entered the room and called his mom over. They talked for a few moments in hushed voiced. Peter was asked to leave the r0om. Before exiting Peter said, “Watch yourself, promise me you’ll watch yourself.”
Ryan’s mom returned to him several minutes later informing him that he could go home, but he should rest. The walk to the car seemed like one of the longest walks he had ever taken. He knew his mom was glad he was alive, but he could feel her anger in the air, and in her voice.
“So, you think killing yourself is going to make you feel better?” his mom asked sternly.
“No, it’s just, well, you wouldn’t understand,” he said. He was holding back tears.
“I won’t understand. Young man I think I understand. You act like you are the only one who has gone through an experience like this. When your father died I was devastated, and I didn’t go try and kill myself did I? No.”
“Shut up, just shut up! Yeah, dad died, but we were all sad. I saw 30 deaths, and I feel like it is all my fault. You didn’t experience that did you? No.”
“Excuse me; do not say shut up to me. You have no idea how sad I felt. I stayed strong…”
“And so have I, I’ve stayed strong to. I have visited the families, and I am reliving it,” he interrupted.
“Relived? What the heck are you talking about?” At this point Ryan knew he had made a mistake, and as he entered the front seat he was thinking of what to say to cover himself up.
“Never mind, I’m sorry,” he replied.
“Honestly Ryan, do you think killing yourself is going to bring Maggie back. Huh?” his mother asked. She had begun to cry. Ryan joined in with her, but he still kept talking.
“No I don’t think it will bring back Maggie or anyone else for that matter. Why did you single her out?” Ryan asked scornfully.
“You want to know why I singled her out. I singled her out because as you were sleeping all you said was Maggie. Over and over again, Maggie.”
“Mom, you just don’t understand.”